Good McLean Fun

I’m disappointed in me. 2017 is over in 5 days, and I have only written ONE blog post in the entire year. Is this true?? ME?! I’m full of words & stories--and I didn’t catalog a fraction of them this year. I used to fill pages and pages of journals and diaries when I was younger. Now I can’t even make it to 2 entries per year. So pathetic. No respectable blogger would ever dream of posting just twice a year. I’m full of regret and a little disdain. I WILL write down more of my thoughts in 2018. I won’t call it a resolution, but I am resolved. I've even changed my blog name from Mediocre Mom to Good McLean Fun...hoping to drop the connotations of the past. Because you know what they say...don't bring last year's self to next year's goals. I read recently, a blog is most successful if the author writes often, and succinctly. Soooooo yeah. Clearly my blog is not a success. I can’t get 2 posts out over 12 months and I write novels when I actually do sit down ...

The ADOS-2, in a nutshell: We (one twin on one day, the other on the next) went into an unremarkable room with a small table and two chairs. The child psychologist and speech pathologist administered the test. The twins 35 months, two weeks old, at the time of eval. They brought out various objects and waited to see how he would interact with them.  They asked him to point to his shoes, show where his hair is, point to his nose, etc. For the most part neither boy complied with these requests. They called the name from across the room but neither boy turned to ever recognize the person calling their name. They asked ME to call their names, and they looked immediately. They brought out a balloon, blew it up, let it go, and clapped. They waited to see if he would request for the balloon to be blown up again, but both boys just stared and waited for them to blow it up. They did not say "more", or "again", or "balloon", or anything to indicate what they wan...

9.12.14 I am writing just to write. I have to get my thoughts out of my head and onto "paper". I realize it will be a little while before I actually bring myself to sharing this post. Jack & Link are just 24 hours from turning 3! Is that possible?! I don't know why I feel like I have to update the www when our family has any developments. I think it's because motherhood is isolating, and it's like the tree that falls in the middle of the forest. If no one knows what's going on in my world, maybe it's so insignificant it isn't worth knowing about. But when others know, when you know what's happening with me, with us, it somehow brings a little validity to it all. And I think it's because I've been so forthcoming with so much of my heart on my blog, it feels odd to carry any substantial news to myself without blogging about it. So the update is that the twins are almost 3, and they are delayed in their language by about 1.5 years. ...

I just wanted to let you all know, a few people in China find me amusing, and I can appreciate their fascination with my chaos. And I'm pretty excited about the pageview lovin from the Ukraine, Indonesia, and my 4 friends in France, India, and the Philippines as well. Mediocrity knows no national bias. Everyone is asleep. I am stupid for not also going to bed. But as all moms know, this time is bliss. This is the time to relax and unwind.  No one is asking me for a drink, no one is crying, no one needs a pencil sharpened, no one needs help putting their clothes away, no one needs a lullaby, no one needs to be disciplined. No one needs pajamas, no one needs to be nursed, no one needs a diaper...When all the No Ones are asleep, it feels like the twilight zone, but it's a good twilight zone.  Going to bed late and losing a bit of that sleep is worth it.  I don't feel guilty being on the computer because after a long day of being needed, no one needs me. No one...

Ever get tired? Feel defeated? Overwhelmed? Totally discouraged? Me either. With Jesus in my heart and a song on my lips, my life is pure joy and contentment. I cannot be moved! Just kidding. That's not the truth. The truth is people call me supermom and wonderwoman, and I'm neither. The truth is I am a pathetic whiny failure who makes too many mistakes to be called good in any way.. and I'm a baby. The truth is when I say my house is a disaster, it really is. Few can compare. The truth is everyone said the first year of having twins was the hardest, and in reality it has only gotten harder. The truth is the twins have the speech development of 18month olds, and when I stop holding on to peace, other things rush in. Things like discouragement, defeat, disbelief, anger, guilt, and envy. The truth is I sometimes compare them to their older siblings and get so irritated with them I want to quit. The truth is I have five beautiful children but my favorite part of the d...

I've never been one for too many details. I hope I'm known as a go-with-the-flow type of woman, friend, wife, mom...one who rolls with the punches. (I'm working on my epitaph, so far I've got "Danielle McLean, proven pelvis, rolled with the punches.) Truth is it's easy for me because compared to some, I haven't really had a lot of punches to roll with. As I've said many times, my life is beautiful. So I don't take a lot of effort in the planning of minor details. That is not how I've been wired which, it turns out, is fantastic, because I have a bunch of kids now and details get lost in the mess.  Sure, I have some general and unambitious "plans" for my life, such as: 1. Get my own bedroom.  Check. (freshman year of college, first time having my own room) 2. Graduate from college. Check. (UCF, c/o 2005) 3. Marry my high school sweetheart  a humble, funny, handsome, strong, kind, honest, pre-screened and pre-selected by God, most pat...

Being a mom is the most amazing job out there, and yet the pressure and daily self-induced guilt that you are just not good enough can be so heavy and unrelenting , it can break even the strongest woman. Like, say, um...I dunno...me.  The twins at 2.5 are showing some progress in their "expressive language", but haven't reached a vocabulary explosion I was hoping to see by now.  They say more now than ever before, but never sentences, not even stringing 2 words together. There's still a WHOLE lot of grunting and whining going on, and it's been slowly eating away at my heart. I see other two year olds, or ONE year olds, speaking more than the boys, and it is hard not to compare. In my gut I know they will be fine, every child is different, but by this age both Luke and Juliette were much more vocal.  But their limited communication isn't the only area I find myself questioning my parenting skills. I find myself expecting less of the twins because they don...

Baby Levi is due on April 22, which doesn't mean much since none of my babies came on their own, even the twins were induced at 37 weeks 1 day, (considered full term for twins). Either way, the time of being pregnant is near its end, and I'm going to be totally honest, this reality is bittersweet for me. Lots of emotions and thoughts run through my brain when I bring myself to recognize this is it.  Ryan and I always talked about having 4 as our aspiration.  So when I came to him with the desire to have another, he did well to conceal his shock.  Now that we're approaching 5, we both feel we have reached our desired max.  That's a pretty personal topic, but I share a lot of personal things on my blog, so I figure I'll just clear the air for those of you who were wondering. I have no problem sharing this with you.  I understand your curiousity. Many people, complete strangers even, want to know if we are "done." But really...how awkward that some woul...

I am feeling much more composed and in charge of my emotions than I was a few hours ago, so I'll share with you today's trivial tribulation, expressed in an email written to a friend this morning. It sounds trivial, I know. But it felt monumentally devastating at the time. "I have to vent for a second, I'm glad you wrote. In a nutshell I had an emotional breakdown this morning, tears streaming and everything. I am so hesitant to do stuff with the twins because there are 2 of them, I can't control as much if it were just one 2 year old, so I never take them places alone without another adult who has free hands. This morning I decided to just suck it up, stop sheltering them, be brave, let them experience something new, and with my other two I always brought them to a local library preschool story hour, I figure just clapping, dancing, read a book or two, maybe some coloring.. I thought we could do it. I packed them up and we drove to the library. I got there and...

It comes to my attention that I don't really have the drive to write on the blog as much these days. It may be a seasonal slump, or perhaps I was using the blog as a sort of hobby for myself--journaling my emotions and thoughts as they came, writing when bored. But I'm so distracted with establishing our new lives here in Vero that I have forgotten to document some of those very exciting and conflicting emotions. I am, of course, missing the familiarity of things in Key West. Building new relationships takes time and effort, and it was just an easy part of our lives before... But overall, it's just peace, excitement, even unbelief that we're actually on our own, in our own space. I am so blessed, I am careful to give God credit for His blessings, and yet, like most humans, I can find myself feeling insecure about who I am, and exactly what I'm giving back. The following post is a little glimpse into my mind and heart concerning my role and my "career", ...